Curvy Keeley Hazell has sadly been off the modeling scene for a good while now. Since the lad’s magazines crashed and the dark, inky shadow of global recession bit us all hard in the ass, Keeley Hazell has all but disappeared.

“Where did Keeley Hazell our favourite glamour girl of all-time who was voted The Sun’s most popular pin-up of Page 3 ever and who at one time battered David Beckham in the popularity stakes on Google with Americans go?” We hear you question, through furrowed brow and outraged clenched fist. Well it would'bt be the first time you clenched your fist around something would it?

If you must know Keeley Hazell has been away in the States learning the subtle art of the Thespian – no it’s not at all what you’re thinking, she went to drama school... darling.

Quite why Keeley Hazell decided that California was a better bet than North London, aside from the weather... the diet... the sunshine... the amenities... the housing and the access to Hollywood is beyond us.

Had she studied in The Smoke she’d have been an Eastenders favourite by now with two dead husbands, a stunt at the Queen Vic and an affair with Phil Mitchell tucked under her trim little belt.

Ah, you see, put in that context and California seems a better bet even if you had to be anally raped by Ron Jeremy on a daily basis. You do Ron! Ron! Ron! You do Ron! Ron!

Anyway, after studying the craft and treading some creaky Cali boards, Keeley Hazell is set to debut in UK movie Venus and The Sun.

In the movie, Keeley plays a parody of the sex-symbol model she’s known as in real-life, a girl trapped in celebrity-obsessed London who yearns to escape into Classical Latin, her secret passion.

The plot roughly follows the Venus and Adonis (no not the aftershave from the pound shop, the Greek God) myth but is set in modern-day England, largely in a library.

So we’ll say no more of the plot, aside from expect fun and that it features some pretty quirky animation sequences borrowed from Greek mythology.

The movie premieres on Thursday March 3rd (tonight!) in London (well, Shoreditch actually, for all you stalkers out there who want to cop a glimpse of the gorgeous Miss Hazell).

And fans who want to catch Venus And The Sun should look out for dates that will announce nationwide screenings and a Keeley-led tour of said venues.

To celebrate Keeley Hazell’s arrival on the big-screen, here’s a whopping, huge gallery of some of her finest moments – possibly the largest on the net and without a hint of skanky scans from old toss-stained magazines, plus the trailer to the movie… go on fill your Greek sandals and remember ‘The path is smooth that leadeth on to danger’, especially if gypsies have just tarmacked your drive!

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